Resting in the “In-between.”
It’s been a while, y’all. April was a MONTH! Three countries, three weeks, countless flights, hotel rooms, and restaurant reservations. I’m finally “sat” for a little while, and deeply grateful for a home to return to—a home that is spacious, peaceful, safe, and most importantly, mine. There have been so many things I’ve wanted to share with you over the last month or so, including my learning from my time working on my Indigenous documentary, the value of invitation, what ease actually means, and our human capacity to hold many things at once, and our agency to put them down when needed. I’ve also had my growth spurts regarding the work of telling stories on my mind. Not to mention some great news I received just this morning, we’ll get back to that a little later in this post. How about I break down my thoughts into sections?
On making sense of ease.
If we know each other in real life, you know “ease” has become my designated word for life. I had a t-shirt made at an AfroTech activation saying, “Ask me what living a life of ease means.” I’m one of those women who have their best thoughts when I’m in the bathroom, doing whatever, or when I should be winding down for the day by rubbing my feet together under the duvet. In the shower of a Billings, Montana hotel, I took a mental deep dive into what it means to live a life of ease. Various examples from my time away from home flooded my mind. Here are just a few that encapsulate the concept, the practice of ease.
Living a life of ease means… doing things you don’t want to do right now to make life a little or a lot easier for future you. For example, setting an alarm for meetings to ensure you show up on time. Or perhaps, mapping out your travels by working backwards from when you need to arrive. Reserving Ubers/Lyfts based on when you need to arrive versus when you need to leave. That one was for my time-blind girlies. Perhaps it’s building courage to do your healing work so you can be around to reap the benefits instead of leaving the fruits of your labor for future generations. How about going light on arm day because it’s also wash day, and that thick head of hair isn’t going to wash, blow, and braid itself. Future you will thank you because nothing is better than arriving at your date with a fresh braid out. Ease is consideration, intention, courage, rest, and action. Why did this come to me in the shower? Because after a long production day and two hour drive back to the hotel, I didn’t want to think about tomorrow and yet, I knew I had an early morning and I wanted to start future Lauren on the right foot so that meant present-Lauren had to put in the work to invite ease into a new day.
On my time working on the Indigenous documentary and the value of invitation.
Although this project is still very much in the works, I can safely say I have emerged as a more mature storyteller. Its scope and approach have varied dramatically from previous projects. One thing that has and will always be a constant is embedding equity and justice in my practice and approach to this work. I have never worked on an Indigenous-exclusive project before. I was thankful to have a consultant who has extensive and lived experience working with Indigenous communities, being an Indigenous woman herself. The lessons have fortunately been never-ending, with the first being humility, consent, and a slow rhythm when addressing and collaborating with Indigenous communities. To be frank, I was gone do that anyway, that’s just who I am— however, I am sure it bears mentioning due to the institutional harm our brothers and sisters have faced from ALL people.
With the baseline set, we got to work slowly but surely. Another tenet of my storytelling practice is ensuring that all subjects feel respected and included in how their story is told. During our pre-production meetings, we find the story and begin crafting the overall narrative. Here is where the maturing comes in— finding the balance between humility and assertiveness. As both producer and client, working with an external production company, I need to remain clear on the project's purpose and story while adhering to timelines and budget. My partner and I had several coming-to-Jesus meetings about checking our personal feelings at the door, particularly when conversations began to morph in the oppression olympics. Belonging to a historically harmed and disrespected intersection, while capturing the stories of women at a similar intersection, proved to be both sensitive and liberating. Our mantra soon became, “this isn’t about us— this isn’t personal.” At times when it felt like our production partners were “losing the plot,” there was a desperate need to strike a balance of a kind but firm approach to both the relationship and the work. Think “I said what I said and I’d like to see this, this, and that update at or before our next meeting.” Very much on my Beyoncé “I’m not bossy, I’m the boss” energy.
My lady (therapist) and I have been working on getting to the point of saying what needs to be said without apology. And baby, I put that into practice, even as we speak. The girls were gathered and we got to work. If there is one thing I am crystal clear on when starting a new project, it is my vision, how I want it executed, and what I need to see, hear, and feel to be secure in all decision-making. Moving into production, I was anxious about visiting states I would have never stepped foot in on my own accord. Montana? I mean… ok girl. And yet, it was beautiful in all the ways. To be invited onto the Crow Reservation, into the homes of elders and tribal leaders. To speak with women who were some of the only Indigenous female business owners on the res. To hear and feel the joy, pain, reflection, and aspiration that is being a woman, a minority woman with vision, soul, and communal support. I am forever moved to consider what it means to tell the stories of previous generations, to tell my story for the benefit of the next seven generations. In a future entry, I will share more of my thoughts, experiences, learning, etc., coming out of this project.
On our capacity to hold multiple things at once.
Our vast capacity to hold multiple things—beliefs, ideas, dreams, fears, truths, and fallacies—never ceases to amaze me. I’ve shared this with many loved ones lately as they navigate the complexities of life, often paralyzed by what to do next or aimlessly pondering what could have been done differently. This concept has been at the forefront of my mind as I’ve actively tried to transition from compartmentalization to the acceptance that multiple things can be present within me, and I can still handle my business. There is no greater example than those contending with grief. She’s our friend who needs no invitation to show up, always just a stone's throw away, waiting to be seen, held, acknowledged, and nurtured. And yet, our lives continue to move forward. I’ve been sitting with grief, joy, anxiety, contentment, frustration, and optimism. All taking up space, all valid. Our human capacity to simultaneously hold many things can be attributed to our expansiveness, innovation, and creativity. And when it gets to be a little too much, we can put one or two things down to revisit when we can, because we have agency over our lives. I hope this is a reminder, and if not, an invitation.
This has been a little lengthy, huh? Well, we had to catch up, friend! I want to send you off with good news that I received just this morning (at the time of this writing). I have won another Telly Award for my work on Listen & Level Up, a four-part conversation series highlighting the stories of Black, Indigenous, and Women of Color entrepreneurs. Listen and Level Up was a thought baby born from my awareness that these women didn’t need me to tell their stories— they needed a platform and microphone to speak for themselves. Their stories have been felt, heard, and shared far and wide, and now recognized as “stories that take shape.” As I write that, it reminds me of my time at the ceramics studio, shaping clay, taking one form to build another. And I remember that I am an artist among so many other phenomenal things.
With so much love and ease,
Lauren
